Falling
by Who am I. Well. I'm just Me
Summary: There's only so much a sensible soul can take until it reaches its breaking point. 2K7 Movie-verse. Art by Twilight6.
1. Chapter 1

Life is complicated. That is a non questionable fact.

It has its ups and downs, stress over stress, happiness and sadness, truths and lies; life can surprise you but also can bore you. Nobody said life would be easy; in fact, nobody I know has never ever said something like that and why? Because we are all aware this is true: Life is complicated.

How do you deal with life? Well, that is for you to discover.

Some take it easy, acting like problems are made of chocolate and worries are merely the sprinkles on a sweet vanilla ice cream. Some take it too seriously believing life must be hard all the time, life must be stressful and full of problems and discussions.

In my opinion, those kind of persons just don't understand life.

Both of them.

Life is not a hellish reality but neither is a candy store.

"_Life is like a roller coaster, it has its ups and downs but it's your choice either to scream or enjoy the ride"._

I don't remember where or when I first heard that phrase but each word of it it's true.

You have excitement, panic, expectative, wonder, happiness; sometimes you will feel a little sick along the way, to me that's the representation of sadness. You have adrenaline rush, laughter, a few screams of terror, accelerated heartbeats that can count as the representation of all your strong emotions. You also may shed some tears; they can be either of joy or pain. And both are alright.

Otherwise we wouldn't know if we're_ really_ alive.

A roller coaster goes up and down, takes twists and turns; those are the paths we walk through while we're still on Earth. Some of them we may enjoy, some of them we won't but that's life.

Life is complicated.

Life is easy.

Life is hard.

Life is like a roller coaster.

And even though I know all this is inevitable, sometimes I wish I had the remote that controls my roller coaster.

So I could hit stop.

* * *

…

…

What am I doing?

Another story when I haven't finished _R.A.D,_ _M.M.&T_ and the _Hold my hand_ 2-shot? Sure, why not! It's not like I don't have enough things to do lately.

Read, review, thumbs up, subscribe.

Wait… this isn't YouTube.

Dammit!


	2. Chapter 2

Another night, another fight.

I have yet found a believable explanation of the reason why my two big brothers are at each others' throats on a daily basis but until that day comes I hide in my lab where everything is silent and peaceful… well, as peaceful as it can be with those two yelling and cursing outside.

It all started after we came back from our patrol round.

Everything was alright until we came across some thugs trying to rob a young couple. The woman was holding a crying baby close to her chest while the punks beat up her husband; suddenly we saw a fifth thug come behind her.

That was our cue.

Mikey and I took the couple and their baby to a safe place while Leo and Raph took care of the thugs.

When we joined our brothers on the battlefield things weren't looking pretty good; more thugs had appeared out of nowhere, they probably called out for some reinforcements. Mikey and Leo teamed up to get rid of the ones with crowbars and chains while Raph and I beat up the ones with pipes and the barehanded.

We were supposed to attack in pairs, not on our own, but Raph… well, Raph told me to help Leo and Mikey instead, that he could beat the thugs alone.

I don't know why I listened to him instead of sticking to Leo's plan.

I ran to help Mikey but I failed to see the tattooed punk that followed me closely. He wrapped chains around me; I fell flat on my face and the last thing I remember was a pipe coming down.

Lucky for me Leo stopped the pipe right before it could hurt me; I just passed out because of the shock. That was really embarrassing.

Anyway, I woke up in the BattleShell… I was pretty sore but my brothers looked worse. I tried to ask them what happened but Mikey told me to keep quiet. I didn't understand why until I saw Leo's face in the rearview mirror.

He wasn't happy at all and Raph looked just as bad.

We made it to the lair, I treated their injuries and then all hell broke loose.

Leo started lecturing Raph about his lack of respect at orders, how irresponsible he was for leaving me alone in the middle of a battle and twisting his plans just so he could merciless beat up some thugs for his own amusement. Of course, Raph didn't take this kindly and started with the insults and the yelling.

Mikey tried to interfere but Raph yelled at him which added another topic for a lecture and further fueled the rapidly growing fire between my two volatile brothers.

At this point Splinter would have stepped in, stopped the argument and lectured for both of them. Sadly, he was away on his monthly visit to the Ancient One so now there was nothing and no one who could stop Leo and Raph from trying to kill each other.

Before I locked myself into the lab, things hadn't escalated to a physical level and they wouldn't for now; the fight was intense and we are all pretty tired so I hope those two go to bed soon.

This is not the first time they argue because of me.

Recently, I've been distracted and I mean more than usual. Leo has tried to talk to me but I simply ignore him and when Raph tells him to let me be, they start arguing again. Leo accuses Raph of being cold and indifferent while Raph accuses Leo of being an annoying and possessive mother hen.

In a way, they're both right.

The only one I haven't heard talking about me is Mikey, mostly because every time those two start yelling, he runs to his room and locks himself in with his cat and his mp3.

And his tears.

I wish I could be there for him but I can't, not when I'm feeling like shit on the inside.

God, things _have _gone physical outside! I can hear the grunts and growls from both Leo and Raph. I guess they still have some stamina left to fight each other.

They better not use blades this time or I'll have more patching up to do.

I don't understand them; they were fine after we got back from Winters' but that just lasted a week. Then it was back to fighting, back to hating each other back to the insults and the blaming.

Sometimes I can't help but think in the end, this is all my fault. I was named "leader" when Leo left; I was supposed to keep the team in line until Leo came back, my brothers were my responsibility… but I failed horribly and I haven't been able to anything right ever since.

This guilt, this self hatred… I can't stand it! I can't stand this any longer!

Again, I find myself in the same position: holding a small knife tightly with my left hand while my eyes stare at the right leather wristband that protects my wrist from any harm.

The idea of ending everything becomes more appealing day by day and tonight, it's stronger.

I want to… I wish I…

Dammit! Why is my hand trembling so bad? Why am I shaking?!

My eyes, they're blurry! Am I… am I crying? Are those teardrops on my wrist band?

No! No, I can't cry now. I must do this!

I… I must…

**_*Knock, knock* _**

"Donnie? It's me, Mikey… can I come in, please?"

Mikey?

* * *

…

…

Writing in POV is hard when you're out of practice… and when you're on a diet.

_*flops on bed*_ I'm hungry! Food, I miss you so much! _*cries*_

Apparently my muse wants this story to be placed one week after that epic battle at Winters' mansion/museum thingy so… yeah. This may, may not have a happy ending; it depends on how I'm feeling by the time I write the final chapter.

You've been warned.


	3. Chapter 3

The knocking at the wooden door was soft but even so Donatello could hear it altogether with Michelangelo's broken voice.

He wanted to tell him to go away so he could end with his suffering once and for all but deep within, he didn't want to be left alone, he wanted to feel needed again, he wanted to feel useful for once after two years of constant failures.

Michelangelo knocked at the door again and a sob could be heard. Don couldn't ignore this any longer; he rubbed his eyes hoping his brother wouldn't notice he had been crying, then he tossed the knife on the extra mattress he used to sleep on when he worked overtime and couldn't make it to his bedroom upstairs. Carefully he hid the sharp blade under a pillow hoping his baby brother wouldn't notice or ask him to lie down on his bed and if that happened, he would have to accompany him upstairs, abandoning the safety of his haven.

"Donnie…" Mikey called from outside. "Donnie, you ok? Can I-"

Before he could continue, the lab door opened and an olive green hand pulled the orange-clad turtle roughly inside. In less than a blink, Mikey found himself pressed against a golden chestplate while toned arms around him pulled the smaller terrapin into a comforting embrace.

The sudden action had Mikey looking up at his brother in confusion. "Don?"

"Don't talk" Came Don's hoarse reply as he tightened his hold on his baby brother.

The orange-clad ninja had noticed the darker, damp markings on Don's mask but he decided to keep that to himself; instead of questioning him, Mikey rested his head on Don's shoulder, letting the last of his tears to land on his brother's skin. It seemed like he wasn't the only who needed comfort at the moment.

They stayed like this until the sounds of blades clashing with blades stopped, indicating the possible end of the fight outside.

"Why won't they stop?" Mikey asked. "Why do they always do this?"

"Just let them be for now. I'll try to talk some sense into their thick skulls while I patch them up… again" Don replied loosening his hold on Mikey.

"That's the problem! They wouldn't need any of those things if they just…"

Fresh tears rolled down the youngest turtle's face, tears that didn't go unnoticed by his genius brother. He shushed Michelangelo and held him tight once again, rubbing his shell slowly and reassuringly. This was the first time in two years that he had comforted Michelangelo; during Leonardo's absence he hadn't been much of a help to the youngest brother, he'd rather spend an extra hour getting yelled at by some angry lady whose computer wasn't working than offer Mikey a word of encouragement, a hug or a simple pat on the shell.

Now he was making up for all the times he had ignored the little sunshine of the Hamato clan.

Don glanced at his mattress; he could clearly notice the gleam of the knife under the pillow as a reminder of what he was about to do minutes before Mikey appeared. He cringed at the thought of an already distraught Michelangelo coming to his lab just to find the lifeless body of the only brother who could ease his troubled mind in his time of need.

"How do you cope with all this, Donnie?" Mikey asked, interrupting Don's train of thoughts.

The genius turtle chuckled sadly. "That's certainly a good question, Mikey"

The nunchack wielder pulled away from Don and rubbed his eyes clean from tears. "I don't wanna see them"

Don didn't need explanation for that; it was obvious Mikey was talking about Leo and Raph. "Go to your room now; Leo will probably be here anytime soon" He suggested.

Mikey nodded and turned to leave but stopped by the doorframe to look at Don one last time. "Could you… when you're done, I mean… could you go to my room? We could have a sleepover, sort of"

Don groaned mentally; this wasn't the perfect time for one of Mikey's sleepover plans, not when he was feeling shitty as hell. He was about to decline the offer when his brown eyes stared into glassy, blue ones, hopeful and expectant.

How could someone say no to that?

The purple-clad ninja sighed heavily and nodded. "Alright"

Mikey smiled and left the laboratory walking past Leonardo, trying to un-see the new cuts and bruises he bore now product of his recent fight with Raphael. He wondered if his red-clad brother was in the same state of worse but that didn't matter now; Don would take care of them and he wouldn't have to see them until tomorrow morning.

The orange-clad ninja disappeared in his room and sat on his bed with a comic book in his hands.

"I hope Donnie doesn't take too long with those two" He said mentally before losing himself into his world of superheroes.

…

* * *

Leonardo winced with every single step he gave; his legs, arms… his muscles in general screamed in pain. This had to be the most tiring fight he'd had with Raphael yet.

He was more than aware that he would feel this fight first thing in the morning so it'd be probably the best for everyone, especially himself, if he cancelled training tomorrow.

The leader saw Mikey coming from Don's lab smiling but as soon as the youngest terrapin set eyes on him, the smile vanished. Mikey picked up the pace and walked past Leo, pointedly ignoring him. Leo couldn't blame his baby brother, it was well known fact that Mikey hated to see his brothers fight and hurt each other and when that came to happen, he would avoid both Leo and Raph equally until the next day when he would try to fix things up with his vibrant personality and a great breakfast.

Leonardo finally made it to his genius brother's lab and announced himself by knocking the door a couple of times.

"Donnie, you awake?"

"Sure, I mean it's not like someone could sleep with all that bickering outside" Don replied bitterly. "Take a sit; I'll get the first aid kit"

Leonardo flinched, his brother sounded pissed. "Donnie, I'm … I'm sorry"

"You should be apologizing to Mikey but that will have to wait till tomorrow" The genius said while he prepared the gauzes and alcohol.

"Is he ok?" Leo asked in concern.

Don laughed halfheartedly. "Is he ok, he says. Heh, very funny"

Leo arched a brow. "What are you implying?"

"Look, do you want me to patch you up today or should I wait a year?" Don huffed in annoyance.

The leader narrowed his eyes. "Calm down, Donatello. I had enough with Raph's behavior already!"

"Oh so he's the only one who can speak his mind here, Leonardo?! Is that it?!"

Leo was a little taken aback by his brother's outburst but even so, he kept his posture. "I didn't mean it like that, I just-"

"-forget it! Just forget it, Leo!"

The blue-clad ninja bit back a yelp of pain when Don grabbed his arm with more force than needed. Don, on the other hand, had noticed this and eased up his grip just a little but that didn't mean he was less angry.

Leo stayed quiet, letting Don do his job, wincing every now and then when the alcohol touched his fresh, tender cuts. The sword wielder hesitantly glanced at his genius brother's face; he looked tired, both emotionally and physically and the mask under his eyes was still wet from the tears he had shed before his talk with Mikey.

"Don, you _do_ know what happened tonight wasn't your fault, right?"

"Your face told me a different story back in the BattleShell" He replied bitterly.

"But I wasn't… I mean, I'm NOT upset at you! Honest!"

Don tsked. "Could've fooled me"

Leonardo's next reply died down the moment he heard the lab's door opening. A bruised and battered Raphael crossed the threshold clutching his ribs with one hand and rubbing the back of his neck with the other.

"Hey Brainiac, I uh-"

As Raph raised his head, golden eyes met dark ones; there was still a bit of bitterness left in both alpha turtles, it could be noticed by the way they looked at each other. It was almost like they were fighting again, only with his eyes this time. Leonardo was the first to look away; he wasn't really in shape for another round so instead of adding more fuel to their fire, he settled down for ignoring the red-clad ninja.

They would have a long talk tomorrow anyway and perhaps another fight. Not that it was a good thing, though.

"I'm busy right now, Raph. Wait for your turn" Don said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Nah, I'll do it myself" Raph said as he turned around to leave. However a hand on his shoulder made him stop on his tracks.

"Raphael, you stay right there and wait for your turn!" Don ordered signaling a chair next the cot where Leo was currently sitting.

Just like Leonardo, the red-clad ninja was surprised by his genius brother's behavior. He wasn't usually so… aggressive.

"Hey, take it easy Brainiac! It's not a big-"

"-don't even_ think_ about minimizing those wounds, you hotheaded brute!" Don cut him off abruptly. "Now shut up and get your ass on that chair, now!"

Raphael didn't need to be told twice; he sat on said chair, not even caring how close he was from Leonardo and remained quiet, trying to avoid that murderous yet rare glare Donatello was giving him and his blue-clad brother as well.

"And neither of you dare to start another argument!" Don added. "In fact, I don't want to hear any of you talk for the rest of the night! Understood?!"

Leo and Raph shyly nodded, not wanting to upset the resident genius further.

"Good. Finally some peace and quiet around here!"

For the next hour, Donatello bandaged his brothers in silence, hating every single moment he had to endure with Leonardo and Raphael's undesired company. Michelangelo sure had fallen asleep by now while waiting for him and thanks to these two, Don hadn't be true to his word; he had broken his promise.

He had failed Mikey again.

He was a failure, a good for nothing, couldn't even keep his word… again! And thanks to who? Leo and Raph. Yes, they were the ones to blame. If they hadn't started that stupid fight, Don would be with Mikey right now.

But then again… the fight started because of him. Because of a bad decision he took.

It wasn't his brothers' fault. It was _his_ fault.

_Again!_

Raph's grunt of pain brought him back to reality. He was tightening the bandages on his red-clad brother's leg more than it was required.

"Easy Donnie! I know you're mad but my leg doesn't have to pay for it!"

Mumbling his apologies, Donatello continued with his task, working slower and gentler this time.

'_Leo and Raph are not to blame' _He said mentally_. 'No one is to blame but me'_

The blue-clad ninja took notice that even after having apologized to Raph, Don was still not treating his wounds properly; the bandages were too tight and he completely ignored the cuts that needed stitches but it didn't seem that he was doing that on purpose. In fact, Leo was almost sure Don wasn't even conscious of his actions anymore.

The bo staff wielder looked pale, sweaty and shaky and his eyes stared at the blood with blank eyes and a lost expression.

"Don, are you alright? You look kinda…sick" Leo said tentatively.

Donatello jolted awake from his peculiar 'trance' and stared into Leonardo's eyes; the anger was completely gone by now but confusion and fear had taken its place instead. This worried the leader of the Hamato clan and even Raphael could see more clearly something was not quite right with the resident genius.

"Perhaps you should go to bed while I finish here" Leo suggested taking the bandages from Don's hands. "That is, of course, if… Raph lets me"

Raphael locked eyes with his eldest brother again; he was no longer mad, instead his eyes oozed concern. With a quick nod, he agreed.

"Go get some rest, Donnie. Fearless and I will be fine. Promise"

Although Donatello could see his brothers talking to him, he wasn't listening a word of what they said. The little voice in his head got louder and louder and began to torture him again.

'_They don't need you. They don't want you here! Leave, leave and never come back!'_

"No. Perhaps I'm still on time" Don whispered. "Perhaps Mikey still needs me!"

Leo and Raph looked at his genius brother in confusion. Was he… talking to himself?

"Uh, something wrong Donnie?" Leo asked.

Before he could get an answer, Donatello was already out of the laboratory, running as fast as his feet could carry him.

'_He still needs me, Mikey still needs me!'_

_…_

* * *

My hand hurts and so does my butt.

I think I need to get out more often... or not _*goes back to writing*_


	4. Chapter 4

After Donatello's abrupt departure, Leo and Raph found themselves alone once again; they shared a brief, mutual glance before they continued to nurse their cuts and bruises in silence. Needless to say, this was pretty uncomfortable for both of them considering they had tried to kill each other a few moments ago and now they had to tend to each other's wounds.

The sword wielder turned his attention to Raph after hearing the hiss of pain escaping his mouth as he unwrapped the tight bandage on his leg, the one Don had previously nursed or at least tried to before he spaced out.

"Let me" He requested softly, placing a hand on Raph's. The latter stiffened under his brother's touch and averted his eyes.

"Please?"

Leo's pleading tone was hard to ignore; no one could resist it, even Raphael. Still avoiding eye contact, the sai wielder removed his hand and allowed Leonardo do his job. He would never admit it to anyone but Leo had a special touch when it came to patching up time; even though the bandage nearly cut the circulation from his leg, Leo had managed to remove it with such care he barely felt the blood soaked gauze leaving his leg.

"I'm still pissed at you"

"I know and I don't pretend to solve this tonight" Leo said. "But I thought you could use my help if you didn't want your leg to be blue thanks to Donnie"

"Heh, I'd definitely hate my leg to be that color"

Dark brown ones met golden ones. "So that means you hate me too?"

Raph frowned. "Don't put words in my mouth, idiot"

The leader sighed and decided to drop the subject for now; he wasn't looking forward to another fight just yet. With expert fingers and a delicate touch, he cleaned Raph's cuts thoroughly only stopping each time he heard a grunt of discomfort from his volatile brother.

The white light illuminating Donatello's laboratory gave Leonardo a clear look of his handiwork; it wasn't a sight to be proud of, Raphael's emerald skin was covered in more bruises and cuts than when they got home from their unexpected encounter with those street punks a few hours ago.

The sword wielder sighed heavily. "Raph, about earlier…I'm sorry"

"I thought you said you weren't pretending to solve this tonight"

"Well, I'm allowed to change my mind. Aren't I?"

Raph opened his mouth to talk but closed it as he couldn't think of a good comeback. He settled for looking away, lips pressing together in a thin line. The blue-clad ninja reached for his brother's right arm to clean the fresh cuts; his face almost paled when he noticed the large gash on his sibling's hand.

"Did I do that?"

Raph looked at him questioningly before following Leo's gaze. "You mean this? Nah, don't flatter yourself Fearless. Must've cut myself trying to get you"

Leo forced out a chuckle. "Well then, lucky me I guess. That will need stitches"

"No shit, Sherlock" Raph muttered.

A few minutes and ten stitches later, Raphael's hand was as good as new but that didn't ease Leonardo's mind. His brother was still mad at him; he could feel it in his aura, his body language, his voice. He probably deserved it but that wasn't going to stop the clan leader from trying one more time.

"I'm really sorry"

Raph groaned. "Aw man, not this again"

"Just hear me out" Leo continued. "I admit I was really mad when you decided to…"

He stopped, thinking his next words carefully; if he reminded Raph that he had gone_ against_ his orders, he might as well get ready for a third round. Then again, there was no other way to start this conversation than pointing out the obvious.

"If I decided to _what_, Fearless? Change your perfect plan and mess things up?" Raph blurted out interrupting Leo's train of thoughts.

"No… well, yes but-"

"-can it, Fearless! I've had enough of that bullshit!" The sai wielder interrupted.

"Calm down, I don't want to fight again" Leo said as patiently as he could. "What I'm trying to say is that I shouldn't have reacted the way I did! I mean, what if I had seriously hurt you or worse?"

"That's stupid! Sure, we both lose our cool sometimes but you should be used to that by now" Raph replied.

"It doesn't need to be that way!" Leo argued. "I thought we were fine after what happened at Winters', Raph. If I'm doing something wrong, tell me so I can fix it!"

"Are you gonna patch me up or do I have to do it myself?" Raph asked, pointedly ignoring Leo's statement.

"I'm trying to apologize here and you're not even listening to me!"

"Fuck, Leo! Drop it, will ya?!" The red-clad ninja slid from his seat and pushed past Leo before marching towards the door.

Leo followed him closely and clasped a hand on his shoulder. "Raphael, please"

The latter ran a hand across his face as he huffed in exasperation. "Look, will you let me be it if I say: yes, Leo. I forgive you and no, I don't hate you no matter what you think?"

"When you say it like that, it sure doesn't convince me"

"Well, it's the only think you'll get from me tonight" Raph replied, crossing his arms against his chest.

Sighing with resignation, Leo nodded. "Alright"

The blue clad ninja freed Raph from his grasp and went to sit on the cot with his shell facing at the door; it was time to patch up _his_ wounds. He hadn't reached the bottle of alcohol yet when a pair of emerald hands snatched it from the table before Leo did; said turtle turned his head just to see how Raphael soaked a cotton ball with the clear liquid.

The red-clad ninja grabbed the oldest turtle's arm rather roughly earning a surprised look from Leonardo.

"Don't give me that look. You ain't the only one who can change his mind" He said gruffly while gently pressing the soaked cotton ball against the cut. "And you ain't doing things wrong. We just got carried away, that's all"

Leonardo remained silent while Raphael patched him up when suddenly an annoying thought came to his mind; a question he bowed to himself to never ask but it became harder to ignore each passing day.

Raph's touch was less rough now and his anger had apparently subsided to an acceptable level, did he dare to ask him? Was Leo ready to hear the truth?

The sound of snapping fingers brought the sword wielder back to reality.

"Hey, you still with me?" Raph asked. "You ain't falling asleep on me, are you?"

"Do you still hate me for leaving to South America?"

The red-clad ninja was taken aback by the eldest's question; he didn't like to think of those days anymore but it seemed that they always came back to haunt him.

"What happened at Winter's is in the past, Leo" He answered.

"You keep reminding me of those days" The leader countered. "In every argument, in the way you look at me, the way you talk to me… even when we're sparring, it's like you're trying to hurt me for real"

"It's not like I mean it" Raph replied. "Well, partially I do but-"

Leo held up his hand interrupting his brother. "This question I've tried to avoid it for too long but now I need you to be honest with me and with yourself"

Taking a deep breath, the leader stared into his brother's golden gaze. "Do you hate me, Raph?"

The sai wielder felt like someone had poured a bucket of cold water on him while standing naked in the middle of the Arctic during winter.

Did he really hate Leonardo?

Sure, the pain and resentment from his eldest brother's departure was still there like a splinter imbedded in his skin but it didn't hurt as much, especially after almost losing him the night his emotions took over, driving him to attack him with blind rage, leaving him defenseless against the stone generals… he still saw those images in his dreams. His nightmares.

Did he really hate his brother?

No, he didn't. He couldn't. Plain and simple.

He loved his brothers equally but the sword wielder had earned a special place in the hothead's stone cold heart. They were one even if his actions told a different story.

Shaking his head solemnly, Raph answered. "No, I don't hate you"

Leo nodded. "Ok"

"Aren't you gonna ask why?"

"Don't need to, Raph. I believe you"

The red-clad ninja sighed in relief. "Thank goodness, I ain't in the mood for sappy speeches, hugs and kisses"

The blue-clad ninja chuckled at the mental image causing a chain reaction that reached Raphael; the previous tension and bad blood was now forgotten and being washed away by waves after waves of laughter.

Once the laughter stopped, Raph sobered up quickly in order to address another topic. "Do you think Donnie and Mikey will be ok?"

"Mikey probably forgot this whole thing ever happened by now" Leo said. "I'm really worried about is Don, though. Did you see how he spaced out?"

"One word: caffeine. It's finally starting to affect Don's giant brain" Raph said half humorously.

"Maybe, maybe not. We should talk to him tomorrow first thing in the morning"

Raph arched a brow. "We, Leonardo?"

"Yes. _We, _Raphael" Leo replied. "We owe him an apology for what happened tonight. And Mikey too"

"Fine" Raph grunted. "Hey Leo?"

"Hmm?"

"… we're cool, right?"

Leo smiled and patted Raph's shell in a friendly way. "Yeah, we're cool"

Raphael nodded and turned to leave. "Aren't you coming, bro?" He asked on his way out.

"I need to tidy up here or Donnie will literally kill me"

"Oh. Ok, g'nite!"

The blue-clad ninja waved his brother good night and began picking up the residual gauzes and used cotton balls.

Things had gone decently if not excellent with Raphael, it had been the first time in a week that his apologies had been actually heard and somehow accepted; there were still some loose ends but luckily they would have more than enough time to take care of them.

Once he was done placing the trash and the medical instruments where they belonged, Leonardo took a better look to his genius' brother's work station.

Messy wasn't the exact word to describe what he saw.

If Donatello's OCD was the reason why his laboratory was the most neat, organized room in the lair except for his own room then why did it look like a tornado had been unleashed inside it?

"I have a feeling Don and I will have a long talk tomorrow" Leo muttered and pulled the white covers off the bed in a swift yank.

The sound of metal hitting ground made the leader look around in search of whatever object had made the noise. It was only when he lowered his head that his eyes caught the sight of a small tantō lying by his feet.

...

...

* * *

I'm alive; I don't know how but the point is I am.

Take this crappy update and love it.


	5. Chapter 5

'_Please be awake, please be awake, please be awake…'_

Donatello continued to repeat his mantra all the way to his youngest brother's room, trying to muffle the sounds of his oldest brothers talking to each other in what it appeared to be the beginning of a new argument- at least that's what his distraught mind made him believe.

It wasn't much of a distance but to the troubled genius it looked like the steps had multiplied all of the sudden, making it more difficult for him to reach Mikey's room. If it hadn't been for Leo and Raph, he would have followed Mikey immediately but no, he had to stay behind and wait for them to patch them up. Again.

So lost in thought was the resident genius that he didn't notice he had reached the last step and he clumsily tripped with his own feet, falling ungracefully on the cold cement floor.

Cursing softly at the pulsating pain in his toe, he stood up and walked towards the door.

"Stupid Leo and Raph and their fucking mindless fights!" He growled. "If they hate each other so much, why don't they just kill each other already?!"

The last words had barely left his mouth when the bo wielder removed the hand from the knob as if it was on fire and placed it over his mouth, his eyes widening to the size of saucers. He couldn't believe what he had just said, he couldn't conceive the idea of his brain- his brilliant, lucid mind- putting those words together in such a horrible sentence.

Donatello felt his knees weakening before he collapsed just inches away from the door.

Those words, those cursed words… they tasted like bile in his mouth.

If Master Splinter ever knew about this, if _Mikey_ ever knew about this… both his father and baby brother would never forgive him, they would hate him forever and he'd be alone with no one to protect, with no one to love and no one to love him back.

'_Have you no shame, Donatello? It was _you_ who caused their fight in the first place. You should've asked for your own death, not theirs!'_

Brown eyes flooded with tears of self-hated and guilt. Perhaps it would be best if Mikey hadn't knocked on his door so now he would be finally resting, away from the disapproving eyes, away from that feeling of utter failure and most importantly, away from his family.

That way they would be safe from him and his threats.

"Donnie?"

A sleepy voice caught the troubled teenager's attention and he looked up to meet a pair of blue eyes that stared at him wide opened. The youngest ninja rushed out of the room to kneel in front of his intellectual brother.

"Dude, what's wrong? You're crying! Did something happen back in the lab? Leo and Raph said something to you?"

"You're awake"

"Well, duh! I told you I was gonna wait for you, Brainiac" Mikey replied with a chuckle before he was pulled forward by a pair of shaking, olive arms.

Of all the Hamato brothers, the youngest could easily detect changes in their auras at the minimum contact; it didn't take him years of meditation like Leonardo, this was his natural gift. And even though it was well known that Michelangelo loved physical displays of affection, he wasn't enjoying this hug at all.

A part of him wanted to pull away from the genius' heavy, darkened aura but the other forced him to stay and comfort his brother.

When he felt Don's arms tighten more around his shell as his sobs grew louder, Mikey clumsily brought his arms up to return his brother's embrace, responding to the bo wielder's silent plea for affection.

Screw the negative vibes! He was staying _here_ for as long as his brother needed.

Suddenly, the shaking stopped and the sobs turned into laughter. The abrupt change of behavior set off all the alarms in Mikey's head making him reconsider his escape plans. However, Don's tight grip kept him from moving, increasing the sea green terrapin's levels of panic.

"You're awake!" Don laughed through his tears. "You're awake, Mikey! I knew it!"

"Uh bro? I'm loving the huggles and all that but you're creeping me out. And that's not good, dude" the youngest replied trying to break free from Don's arms. "What are you now, bipolar?"

Don shook his head, still laughing and stood up in one swift movement. "No time for questions now, little one. Shall we get this sleepover started?"

The bo wielder entered into the youngest' domains rubbing his hands together feeling nervous and excited at the same time with Mikey following him right behind while he mentally questioned himself about having requested Don's presence tonight.

"So, what do you want to do: read comics? Eat junk food from your secret stash while we tell each other scary stories? Maybe some random dancing?"

"Yeah, that's sounds very tempting but right now I want you to shut up and stop pacing before you make a dent in the floor!" Mikey ordered trying to look as serious as possible.

'_What are you doing? You're acting like an idiot!' _

Donatello stopped on his tracks and dropped his hands to the sides, his face flushed in embarrassment.

"I… I'm sorry, Mikey. I don't know what came over me, honest"

"It could be adrenaline rush, stress or coffee and I vote for coffee. I mean, how else can you explain the creepy smile and your motor mouth? That's sorta_ my _thing"

The purple-clad ninja lifted his head to meet Mikey's preoccupied gaze. This wasn't right, he wasn't supposed to make his baby brother worry over him; he was here to make him feel better.

'_Look at what you've done, Donatello. You scared him! See if you can fix this and do it quickly!'_

"It's just… when you said sleepover I thought you wanted something big and loud to cheer you up" Don explained himself. "You know, after what happened tonight-"

"-and that's so very sweet of you, bro. But I thought we could just lie down in and talk just like we did when we were kids and leave the wild partying for some other day. What do you say, you up for some late night chatter?"

'_Talk. He wants to talk, that's a good sign! You can do this right, Don. You won't mess this up!' _

"C'mon, say yes~ Let's relive the times when were young and cute!" Mikey added with a rather overdramatic pose. "Well… _I_ never stopped being young and cute unlike Raphie"

Right after he finished his humorous statement, Michelangelo jumped into his bed, picked his spot for the night and patted the vacant side of the bed feeling more comfortable with Don's presence now than a couple of minutes ago.

The bo wielder placed his weapon against the wooden desk but didn't remove his "clothing"- in the mess that was Mikey's room, he feared that his gear and mask could mysteriously disappear- then he lied down, leaving some distance between Mikey's side of the bed and his side and pulled the covers up to his chin.

While he did this, Don's arm grazed his brother's own unknowingly allowing him to feel his aura. The sea green terrapin frowned; it still felt heavy but not too much.

Perhaps he could tolerate a quick snuggle.

Donatello gasped and glanced down to see Michelangelo curling up against his side, arm draped over his stomach as if he were a teddy bear.

"What are you-"

"-just like when we were kids, Donnie" Mikey reminded him.

"Oh…right. So, are you still upset at Leo and Raph? Do you need to talk about it?"

"To be honest, I'm not upset anymore. I had some time to think things over while you were in the lab and I realized Leo and Raph will always be Leo and Raph. Yes, they fight a lot but in the end, they know they're bros and best friends; they wouldn't how to live if the other is gone forever. So as long as they remember that and _**I **_remember _**they **_remember that, I don't have to be sad. It doesn't mean it hurts less though but it's something"

"Wow, that's… that's actually pretty insightful, Mike"

"I know, right? Guess you're not the only genius in the family, Donnie-boy. One day, who knows, maybe we won't bother you with our teen problems anymore… which must be good for you since you'll have more time to play with your toys! Cool, huh?"

The genius' smile dropped almost immediately.

Deep inside he knew his brother was joking but that didn't mean his statement was far from the truth. His baby brother had managed to solve his problem alone and Don suspected this hadn't been the first time; who would comfort him all those times when he came back from birthday parties after being used as piñata for sugar high children? The genius assumed Splinter was helping him but his Father never knew about Mikey's nightmares until he mentioned it to his eldest brother as he welcomed him.

'_He comforted himself… he didn't need me!' _Don thought miserably. _'Why did he still wait for me to come? Did he do it just for pity?' _

Mikey continued talking, oblivious of Don's inner battle with himself. "Do you think Leo and Raph will be each other's butler trying to make up for everything they said and did tomorrow? Boy! That would be _so_ funny! I mean…"

'_Why did I have to ignore him in the first place? Raph and I had already drifted apart when Leo left and I knew I couldn't face him after failing to lead his team so… why did I do it?'_

"...Donnie?"

'_Why did I have to ruin everything back in the alley? Why didn't I listen to Leo and followed his orders?... WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!' _

"Donnie!"

'_HELL, I CAN'T EVEN KILL MYSELF! I'M TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO DO IT! WHY, WHY! WHY MUST I BE SO…SO…__**USELESS!**__'_

"DONNIE!"

Mikey's frantic calling brought the bo wielder back from his trance. "… y-yeah? You were saying?"

"Oh good you're still awake" The youngest sighed in relief. "Now, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Why were you crying outside my door? And _don't_ even try to lie to me, I won't buy it!"

Donatello, the turtle who had technically memorized tons of books and master of quick answers, was completely speechless for the first time in his life.

The truth was on the tip of his tongue, wanting for a chance to jump out of his mouth but Don knew better than to confess this to Michelangelo; he could never let his most innocent brother know he had just wished his oldest brothers just ended with each others' life. Sooner or later, the youngest turtle would get tired, fall asleep and tomorrow he would forget this conversation even happened. Don could wait the whole night if it was necessary, he didn't wish to fall asleep anyway; the genius had an appointment with his nightmares tonight he'd rather miss.

Believing his genius brother had fallen asleep, Mikey tilted his head up and glanced at him just to find the latter was very much awake, his brown eyes had never left the ceiling and that could only mean one thing: he was ignoring him and Mikey hated being ignored.

It didn't make him mad …well, sometimes it did… but his anger was nothing compared to the heartache the youngest fell when someone close to his inner circle ignored him.

Especially if that someone was Donatello, his supposedly childhood friend.

Don's indifference plus the cold, lost look his brother had in his eyes right now was the same the orange-clad ninja had to endure for the last two years after he came back from his party gigs and found him with his computers getting yelled at by rude unknown people.

Mikey wouldn't take more indifference.

Not anymore.

Gathering all his courage and swallowing the painful knot that was forming in his throat, the sea green turtle let his heart talk for him.

"When we were kids you said we could tell everything to each other no matter how embarrassing, boring or silly it was. I asked you why and you said: '_because we are the best of friends, baby brother. Maybe the others won't care much but I will; whatever you have to say, I'll listen'…_"

Don felt Mikey removing his arm from his plastron as he sat on the bed, looking down at him with glassy eyes.

"I don't know if you think alike but you're still my best friend, Donnie. And I know I may not be as wise as Father or as intelligent as you but… I can try. I can do my best to help you!"

'_What troubles me, he says. Oh Mikey if you only knew'_ Don thought grimly.

A well faked smile crossed the olive green turtle's face; he rolled to his side and gently pulled Mikey back to his spot beside him, holding him tight.

"I'm fine, little brother" He reassured the youngest. "And you're right… I have to stop drinking coffee so late at night"

"But-" Mikey tried to argue before a finger against his lips silenced him.

"-but if I ever need a friendly ear I'll let you know, ok?"

Blue eyes met brown ones; Don was lying, Mikey knew. He could feel it. But Instead of insisting, he decided to trust Donatello and let this slip.

For now.

"Alright, I trust you" Mikey sighed and Don internally celebrated his victory.

Hugging the smaller terrapin closer to his being, Donatello sighed contently and closed his eyes. A few seconds later, Michelangelo followed his example unbeknownst to them that both their dreams would be anything but sweet tonight.

* * *

…

…

Been taking Momo pills to fuel up my darkness.

Is it working?


End file.
